The 5-Step Introvert BOSS Networking Method: An Introvert’s Guide to Successful Networking Experiences

 

Networking is a topic of great complexity for me. As an entrepreneur who is a high, high-level introvert, I struggle with networking and social events of all kinds, church services included. Yes, Sundays take me out sometimes. Groups of people are groups of people, and being social is being social. Let’s not get me started on having to “be social” on social media. HA, HA! That’s a whole thing for another day.

I’ve struggled with social interactions as far back as I can remember. I love my family, and I used to, and still do, find time to be by myself for a bit during family house parties to decompress and recharge for extended interaction. This is how long and deep the abyss runs for me. However, my professional background has enabled me to create some wonderful extrovert tendencies through my 14 years of experience in human resources and as a speaker and trainer. Yet, at my core, the gigantic introvert inside is always present, very active, and doesn’t appreciate it when the extrovert takes over for too long.

In-person and virtual networking events are equally draining and stressful, but they also used to be physically painful for me. I used to get so worked up and stressed out that I’d end up with body aches and stomach cramps and be practically paralyzed. I couldn’t move and would just stand or sit in one spot, praying to God that no one would come over and talk to me. 

Crazy right? I know! I’m at a whole networking event to network with actual human beings, yet I was so messed up at the events that I didn’t want anyone to come talk to me. All I could think to do was retreat, but I was paralyzed in those moments, so I was stuck until I could calm down enough to move. Then I would rapidly retreat. 

As time went along, I would manage to stay longer but wouldn’t intentionally talk to anyone and would be trapped in my paralyzed cycle. But at least I started staying longer. One step at a time. Progress is progress.

I remember one epically tragic occasion while out with a team for a networking blitz. I was so scattered and petrified that, at some point, I darted to the restroom and hid in a stall for about 30 minutes, crying, shaking, and telling myself this is way too much, and I want to go home like a six-year-old child who just lost her favorite toy at the park. It was so bad. Now the issue was that I drove everyone, so I couldn’t just leave, or I surely would have, without hesitation or prior notification. I would have texted while on the road, I’ve gone home. Bye. 

Instead, I got fussed at by the leader and told to wait in the car as “punishment” for not actively participating in the networking like the others. Little did he know that was joy to my ears. The real punishment would have been for me to stay in there with them, trying to haphazardly talk to all those people. I was completely excited about the opportunity to relax in the comforts of my wonderful mobile office.

Thinking back to those days, bless the Lord, I can laugh at it all now, but in the moment, those experiences were absolutely horrific and very tangible. Some people will never understand the depth of pain and discomfort we sometimes feel when interacting with others. It’s not as easy as it looks for everyone. Some of us really have to think about and be extra intentional when interacting with others.

Even though I’d gotten better over time by sheer willpower with my networking interactions and simply being able to stay in the room and talk to someone, the problem with activating my extrovert tendencies is that social burnout sets in a lot faster.

Networking is vital for my coaching business, so something needed to be done. I’m a very strategic person; therefore, systems and processes work well for me. I had to create a multi-layered approach to be able to adequately function in terms of networking ability and quality, as extreme fatigue and sheer discomfort start to set in after about fifteen minutes of interaction. Yes, you read that right. Fifteen measly little minutes of intentional and meaningful social interaction feel like two and a half hours to me. I’m tired, and I’m ready to go, but it’s not time to go yet. 

When I say I’m a high, high-level introvert, I mean high. I thrive by myself, and I’m not uncomfortable being by myself. I go places alone and do things alone regularly; it’s normal for me. That is my happy place. Yet that’s not the way to live life fully. We’re made for community, so my business runs on a community model; therefore, I had to learn how to function accordingly. This factor is what caused me to create my 5-Step Introvert BOSS Networking Method.

The 5-Step Introvert BOSS Networking Method

I’ve found over time that there is a way to network introvert-style that makes the experience both enjoyable and profitable in terms of the quality of genuine connections. I stopped feeling like I was going to die at any given minute and began to actually connect with great people.

These five steps can help you successfully attend networking events.

1. Set Networking Goals

Goals keep you focused on the task at hand and also give you something to celebrate. I love celebrations. If you know what you want to achieve before you get to the event, random occurrences that happen at the event won’t trip you up, nor will the attendance size, depending on your goals. You create your goals. There is no need to overachieve here, yet don’t slack off because of the phantom pressure you create for yourself. Know your limits.

I have three standard goals for each networking event: connect, be of service, and recharge, but don’t retreat. Anything other than these three are bonus points for me.

Instead of focusing on trying to rapidly and very poorly meet everyone in a room packed with people, I choose to focus on quality over quantity. My standard connect goal is to have meaningful conversations with one to three people at a networking event. No matter the length, to maintain peace within myself, if I’ve left the event with contact information for at least one person and a confirmation that we will connect at some point after the event, I’ve achieved my connect goal.

You can focus on your energy and attention, reduce stress, and create quality interactions with people. It’s better to speak to someone long enough that when you contact them after the event, they actually remember who you are, and you really remember who they are.

I’m not sure about you, but when I take the focus off myself, I interact better. I work to keep at the forefront of my mind that I’m not just there for my benefit, connection and collaboration are queens. I might be speaking with someone at an event who deals in watches and wine. Neither of those are of any true interest to me. 

Yet later, I might speak with someone on the other side of the room who’s looking to launch a new wine lounge and is having problems getting their vendor selections together. I can focus on being of service, and introduce them, and they can benefit from our interactions. Looking at the greater picture of my being able to serve, which meets one of my goals, seems to help me decrease my anxiety overall and relax a bit.

You’ll learn more about my recharge but don’t retreat goal in step five. Sometimes it is necessary for introverts to step away from everything and just be. We recharge when we’re alone. This is fine and perfectly normal. You should consider doing this in short phases for your own health and sanity. We’re meant to be in community, yet some of us need more time alone than others to balance things out and be able to socially interact well.

2. Know and Practice…But It’s Still Okay

Clarity is also queen! Know what you do and how you do it. Know who you serve and how you serve them. Once you have that point of clarity, put it into an “I help…who…do what…how…so that” statement. Once your statement is crafted, rehearse it, rehearse it, rehearse it! Comfort in this format builds confidence. The more comfortable you become with who you are and what you do, the more relaxed you’ll feel with the introductory portion of the conversation.

Yet, here’s the best part about the whole thing: you can say whatever you want. When you speak with passion, boldness, and poise, no one cares if you “mess it up.” They will ride on your excitement. You can completely butcher who you are and what you do, and they won’t know it because they don’t know you or what you do yet. Great, isn’t it? Let this reality take a lot of the pressure off. We’re all humans; no one is perfect. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to be flawless increases anxiety levels and causes issues. You’re doing this to yourself. Stop the madness.

Clarity and repetition will help you with confidence, but the focus should be on enjoying getting to know someone and seeing how you might be of service to make some form of impact. Networking cannot just be for your benefit.

3. Have a Standard Set of Conversation Starters and Fillers

Before attending networking events, prepare a few conversation starters and fillers. These can include some topics of interest. It’s easy to start with hello; my name is X, and I do Y, but what do you say after the introductions are over? Maintaining a conversation beyond the introductions can be daunting, especially if “small talk” isn’t your thing. Having a few standards and go-to fillers can help ease the anxiety of interacting with strangers and provide a foundation for engaging in discussions.

You can talk about recent industry trends, share insights about a relevant article or podcast you’ve come across, or discuss any intriguing books you’ve read or challenges you’ve participated in. From there, the key is to ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and experiences. If you’re lost for questions, you can always ask questions related to the industry or event theme to get a good dialogue going.

Having these conversation starters and fillers ready to go can provide a sense of confidence that allows you to navigate networking event interactions with greater ease and effectiveness.

4. Focus on Active Listening and Asking Questions

This one is number three’s twin. Don’t make the event about you. That’s always more difficult than it needs to be. Most of us introverts don’t like to talk about ourselves anyway. Instead of feeling all this unnecessary pressure to constantly talk about yourself or promote your business, focus on actively listening to the person with whom you’re engaging by asking lots of thought-provoking questions.

We, introverts tend to excel at listening and observing, so leverage these strengths during your networking interactions. Be present in the moment. There’s nothing worse than trying to talk to someone who’s distracted or rushed and not paying attention. Show genuine interest in each person by asking open-ended questions about their overall journey, interests, experiences, and challenges. This will help you to establish rapport and control the format of the conversation. 

As you’re asking them questions, they are naturally going to ask you to respond to the same questions you asked them. If you are asking a standard set of questions, you will have already rehearsed the answers, so you won’t have to think on the spot much. There’s another layer of anxiety and fatigue removed.

5. Take Breaks and Recharge, but Don’t Retreat

This is the most critical step for us. Recognize your limits as an introvert, and don’t push yourself too hard. It’s just a networking event, not life or death. Grow with each event, as needed. Everyone has social limits, even extroverts. Their limits go way longer than ours. Don’t try to stomp with the big dawgs on this part. It’s okay to take breaks during networking events to recharge, reflect, breathe for a few minutes, and gather your thoughts. 

Find a quiet corner or step outside for a few minutes to decompress. This will allow you to maintain your energy and physical comfort levels, so you can engage in your next interactions with a refreshed mindset and demeanor.

It’s just like my family parties. I go to my room, shut the door, and chill out for about 15 minutes, then I’m back in there. I’ve been doing this since I was about five, so they all know the deal, and everyone is fine with it. Unless you go to an event with someone (bonus tip), no one knows you’re hiding out in the corner or outside to snatch your sanity back. You might even meet a fellow introvert outside or hiding out on the other side of the corner, and the two of you just vibe, because you know the telltale signs.

As you implement these simple steps, you can navigate networking events more comfortably, embracing your introverted nature. I know I have. I even use them at multi-day conferences, and they work like a charm. You’ll reduce networking stress, create quality interactions, and forge meaningful and profitable connections.

Networking isn’t about meeting everyone in the room; it’s about making God-ordained connections. Respect your preferences and pace, and don’t be afraid to remix things where needed. You know yourself best. Remember, the most important step is to take breaks and recharge, if necessary, but don’t retreat if you can help it. Stay at the event, fully engaged, until you’ve accomplished your networking goals.

Happy networking!

IIt's time to BOSS up and take your power back as you journey to empowerment and success by walking in your God-designed purpose. I hope this blog post has inspired you to take action and begin to live your dreams out loud! Remember to spread the word and share this blog. Together, let's build a community of powerful, unstoppable women. So hit that like and share button, and let's start a revolution of women who Boldly Overcome Struggles and Setbacks, as we positively transform ourselves Body, Occupation, Soul, and Spirit.

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Be Encouraged!

Dr. Breanna BOSS James

Psl. 37

Break Free and Discover the Real You and Achieve Your Desired Success! www.BreakingFreeBoldly.com

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” -W. Wilson

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